Thursday, June 7, 2012

Chapter 65: She Has Decided She No Longer Loves Me

"She...She has decided she no longer loves me."

"Okay, Gavin, I need you to dial it back a little. You're hurting, but it's something you're used to by now, something you were expecting. All your relationships have ended this way, this is just the latest in a long series of heartbreaks," Carey gives his actor some much needed direction.

Gavin looks up the director, and for moment confuses his own life and the part he is playing, "How do you know that?" he asks.

"Because I've read the whole Sandman series over and again," Carey answers, "Now, again, but with less angst, more resignation. You knew she was going to break your heart."

"This is foolish...Why do I hurt so? I scarcely knew her. A handful of months, little more..." 

Gavin is not cut out for acting, that fact becomes clearer every day. But this scene on a fake castle balcony in front of a green screen, this scene speaks to him, and he finally understands why he was chosen to play this role. They all leave him, he never understands why, what went wrong, what he did, they just decide they no longer love him, and leave.

"I would have given her worlds of her own, strung like sapphires and emeralds on a silken cord. I would have given her..."

He does everything he can for them, flowers, attention, poetry. But it's never enough.

"I keep thinking of her eyes, toward the end. Cold eyes, weighing me dispassionately, finding me wanting...And in the end, she told me. But I knew before she told me. It was there in her eyes."

He could already see it coming, Tori was growing tired of him. Little things were annoying her more and more, and there was always a new reason to fight.

"She had decided she no longer loved me."

One single tear rolls down Gavin's cheek as he finishes the last line, mourning the relationship he knows will end in a week, maybe two, depending on how long Tori wants to drag it out.

"Cut!" Carey shouts out, "That was beautiful, Gavin. That tear at the end was a nice touch."

"You had a real breakthrough out there today."

Gavin lifts his head off the dressing table and tries to look nonchalant. "Do I know you?" he asks, not recognizing the redhead.

"Regan Foster," she introduces herself with a laugh, "I play what passes for the villain in this film, Desire. We've only talked in costume. Great job out there today, you really nailed it."

"I wasn't acting," Gavin says as Regan pulls a chair out next to him, "I'm trying...but I'm really just never going to be an actor."

"Right, I heard about that, Carey discovered you at some party," Regan says, hiding the contempt that she and everyone on this set has for him because of it. They've all had to work their way up to this, and he's just had a starring role handed to him, and he's making a total mess of it with his ineptitude, "But you did great today, you're really starting to pick it up."

"Thanks," Gavin sighs, knowing it was a fluke. He just happened to be emotionally aligned to the script today; he didn't have to act, he only had to feel.

"So, we have a scene together in a few days, I was hoping we could get together to rehearse it," Regan says, "I don't like going out on set with an actor I haven't worked with. And maybe I could coach you a little," she smiles helpfully.

"Astrid has been coaching me," Gavin tells her, "It hasn't really been helping."

"Astrid's a selfish cunt," Regan warns, "The only thing she's helping is herself into your bed. Watch out for her."

"No worries there," Gavin laughs, "She's already been in my bed."

Regan bites her lip, "Sorry, I didn't know..."

"Not recently," Gavin corrects her assumption, "We dated when I was an undergrad. I don't think she'd be interested in starting anything back up again."

"You're a movie star now, so, yes, she'd be interested. Watch yourself, Gavin, she's a user."

"You've worked with Astrid before?"

"A few times. I mostly do theater, though. Less pressure to get my tits done there. But Astrid's pretty well known for trying to climb to the top by any means necessary."

"Well, thanks for the warning, but I'm safe. I have a girlfriend, and I wouldn't..." Gavin trails off, knowing Tori isn't going to be around much longer. They have a date tonight, but he's already seen it coming, she's just waiting for the right moment, the right excuse to break it off. "I'm free this afternoon if you want to go over our scene," he changes the subject.

Gavin invites Regan to his new house for their rehearsal. He's no actor, but pretending to be one has made him suddenly wealthy.

"What are you doing?" he asks as Regan stretches herself out on his couch, "I thought you wanted to rehearse."

"Desire is lounging on its heart thing during this scene," Regan says, "I'm improvising the best I can, since you don't actually have a giant human heart for me to sit on. So let's get on with it."

"And I suppose you had nothing to do with my recent troubles?"

Regan gestures with an imaginary cigarette, "Your little affair and its messy ending? I hate to disappoint you, Dream, but you managed to screw that up all on your own. Although I did find it extremely amusing."

Regan looks up at him and laughs when they've gone through the scene for a third time, "You're lucky your character is pretty much a walking plank of wood. You have zero emotional range."

"I told you, I'm not an actor."

"What are you, then?" she asks.

"I'm an artist," he says, "All this time while were rehearsing lines, I've just been thinking about how much I want to paint you."

"That's your way of trying to get me to take off my clothes?" she laughs.

"Not all. You have an amazing face. Your cheekbones, the curve of your lips...I just want to paint your face."

"Okay, let's do it," Regan says, warming up to him. On set, he's something of a joke, and she'd almost decided to forgo even trying to rehearse with him. But she's glad she did, even if it's only to get to know him as a person. "Let's see your real talent."

Tori came in expecting Gavin to be ready for their date this evening, and finds him instead in his studio. With another woman.

"Hey, Tori," he says absently when he notices her standing there, "This is Regan. She---"

"Don't 'hey Tori' me!" she shouts, interrupting him. Regan decides that this is a good time to slip out quietly.

"We have a date tonight!" she shouts at him, "And you're not even ready!"

"I'll get ready," Gavin answers, walking past her toward the bedroom.

Tori follows him. "I don't like coming here and finding you with another woman," she says.

Gavin turns on her, "I was painting her, Tori, I wasn't 'with' her. You're just looking for a reason to start a fight."

"I don't need to find reasons, Gavin, you give me an endless supply of them," she shouts back at him, "First it was that ex-girlfriend that you were always mooning over. Now, every time I see you, you've got an actress hanging all over you."

"Tori, you're exaggerating. Regan wasn't--"

Tori turns away from him before he an finish, "I don't want to go out with you tonight," she says as she heads out the door, "I'm going out with my friends."

Gavin watches her go, and doesn't try to stop her. It's already over, he thinks, she just hasn't realized it yet. 

The lines in italics are from The Sandman: Brief Lives by Neil Gaiman


  1. And Finished... :)

    WOW! Tori is being a real bitch. Too possessive. Getting jealous over Gavin being with his co-workers. Didn't she tell him that getting this bit was good? Surely she knew that means spending time with actresses...

    1. Thanks, Bambi, congrats on getting caught up. I know it's a long read from the beginning.

      I think Tori really is just looking to pick fights about anything, because whatever they had is gone and all they have left is a habit that they aren't ready to break. If she really did still have that spark for him, she'd be more understanding and tolerant of what's going on his life.
      I had this boyfriend once, and the relationship kind of went that way really fast, we didn't really care about each other anymore but we kept dating. And one day, I just decided that I really hated his shoes. Just looking at his shoes really enraged me. And they were pretty normal shoes...LOL, so what I'm saying is, Tori is avoiding the real issue by projecting her feelings elsewhere.
      It would probably be good for Gavin to man up and break it off with her, since he's actually aware of what's happening between them, but he's never done that, he just waits to be broken up with.

  2. Cool new house, Gavin.

    And I like Regan so far.

    *hugs Gavin* I know you don't have zero emotional range, man. Hang in there.

    1. I stole Gavin's house from some rock star that came with Los Aniegos. There's a huge real estate shortage in that neighborhood, but I have no qualms about making the premades shack up with each other so I can steal their houses. =P

      Regan is actually a gender switched clone of Regan Goth/Foster Enmity (hence the name Regan Foster), with red hair instead of Goth purple (though I use the Goth purple hair for her Desire costume). She does pretty well for the androgynous look when she has a male conversion hairstyle.

      Poor Gavin, he didn't even want to be an actor, and now he kind of sucks at it. Maybe he'll find his muse.

    2. I did wonder if there was some connection. ^.^

      Of course, "Regan" made me think of Regan McDermott, not Regan Goth. Having the last name of "Foster" should have cued me in, but I intentionally stop myself from trying to guess about the "ancestry" of new characters here, because I've been SO wrong in the past. =P

    3. LOL, that's why I came out and told you, I knew you had stopped guessing, at least out loud.
      Gender switched Foster actually is near identical to Jasmin Enmity, his daughter. She got nothing from her mother but eye color, apparently. I could have just used her to clone from. =P
      But given Desire's androgyny, a gender switched Sim seemed appropriate.

  3. I think Tori needs to talk to someone about her trust issues, she's really lost it. And I couldn't help but be sas at the parallels between Gavin's life and that of the character he's supposed to be playing. I wonder if he and Regan will be more than just costars?

    1. Thsanks, Val!
      Gavin's love life really does parallel Dream's, that's actually why I cast him in this movie. And maybe that's something Carey saw when he approached Gavin, he's pretty intuitive that way.

      Gavin usually springs back from his break ups pretty quickly, so no doubt as soon as he's single again, he'll be looking for a new girlfriend.

  4. Oh, poor Gavin. Maybe he will hook up with Regan?

    1. Thanks, misu!
      Maybe. She'd probably be better for him than any of his other girlfriends have been. But then maybe he'll go and do something more self-destructive, lol.

  5. Well...Tori has some issues. My thinking is she may just need to move on. If she don't she'll do nothing but torment Gavin and herself and poor Gavin, I feel so sorry for him.
    I'm catching up slowly but surely, I'm on chapter 16~...edenz~

    1. Hi, edenz,
      Take your time, I know it's a long story to catch up with. It's great to see you here!

      Tori really does need to move on if it isn't working for her anymore.

  6. I wish Gavin would take the step and dump Tori. It would make him so much stronger and maybe give him the push to stop being such a pussy- I mean sweet and caring man (who lets everyone walk all over him...).

    I do love Gavin, I really do. But in the first scene with Stina dumping him and now this... I'm having trouble not wanting to slap him and tell him to grow a pair and gain some self respect.

    I do like Regan though. She's adorable.

  7. He should dump her first! I think it will be a nice change for him to take control and end it.

  8. I agree with you both, Gavin for his own sake should man up and break up with her. But will he? I haven't made up my mind, there are several scenarios I'm toying with in my head.
    It is possible to be sweet and caring without being a doormat, but Gavin hasn't figured out how to do that, so yeah, he's a pussy.

  9. Ah Gavin, the little boy that loves to torture himself. What horrible things he must have done in a previous life to have this nonsense bestowed upon him. Tori has no right to complain, it was her persuasion that placed him in the situation.

    1. As a Buddhist, Gavin would actually agree with you that his current life situation is the direct results of his karma.

      And Tori will complain whether she has the right to or not, lol. But you are very right, she asked for this.

  10. Wow, I am finally caught up! I have found myself wanting more though!

    I gotta say, my favorite "couple" at the moment is the two French people. (I can't remember how to spell their names right now, but I know you know who I'm refering to.)

    As for this chapter, I really feel for Gavin. The poor guy can never catch a break and find a decent girl. She was all for him doing this whole movie thing and now she is mad because he has actresses all over him. What did she think? That it was a male only movie? Lol

    I never really cared for Tori so I won't be sad to see them break up. But it is so sad for Gavin to have to go through all the heart ache again. Maybe he needs to just take some time off and not be with anyone.

  11. Thanks, Kate! There should be more soon.
    Tori didn't get much screen time, and she didn't do much with the screen time she had, so I'm not surprised you didn't care for her. She was kind of marked as an ex-girlfriend from the beginning. And poor Gavin will have to start all over again.

  12. ~ It seems to me that the parallels to the movie & his own life,he has played the door mat way too long,he needs to take the reins, & end it now,before it gets ugly!He can see it coming,so why is he waiting!
    ~ I really do not under stand her,she asked him to do the movie for her,she liked the thought of going out with a movie star,but her issues with trust have reared it's ugly head,she has big issues she needs to deal with or else she will never have a long lasting relationship!
    ~ Loved it,on to read more! (",)

  13. Man...Tori needs to hurry and get to the end of the script already. Gavin knows it's coming...seen it a million times as has Dream. He just can't put himself in the shoes of the dumper he has to be the one with the broken heart...poor guy. I like Regan she seems friendly enough even though she has a tad bit of resentment over the way he netted lead role. Hopefully she doesn't hold that against him.