Chapter 16: Promise

Perro Perdido gets together at Randell's house for a jam. Randell and his girlfriend Stacey also have an announcement to make; they are expecting a child.

"I'm worried about the tour," Randell confides in Nico, "I know Stace will be fine here while I'm gone, and that I can come back when it's time for the birth, but I don't like missing this. You know, being with her while she's pregnant, watching her belly grow." Randell laughs nervously, "Do I sound ridiculous or what? Having this kid is going to ruin my tough guy image."

Nico wishes he could do more than smile and nod, but he can't talk about his own concerns about impending fatherhood, when he doesn't even know if Jacklyn will be having his baby or not. "I don't think you have to worry about your image," Nico jokes, "You always came off as the sweet sensitive type, anyway."

"Dude, now you're just begging me to hit you with a microphone stand," Randell quips.

"I could mix you something stronger," Stacey offers, "I'm stuck with the sparkling water because I'm drinking for two, but we've got vodka. Or whiskey, that's what you like, right?"

"No, I'm fine with the water, thanks," Jacklyn says. She promised Nico she'd think about having this baby, and until she makes up her mind, she's treating her pregnancy like it's real, and has given up on drinking.

A wave of nausea hit her hard. "I have to use the bathroom," Jacklyn is barely able to get the words out before she runs into the house. Stacey follows.

"Are you okay, Jax?" Stacey asks as Jacklyn emerges from the bathroom.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Jacklyn answers evasively.

"Not to pry, but you're pregnant, aren't you?" Stacey asks, "I know the signs. I'm living them."

Jacklyn nods, "Yeah," she admits.

"Nico knows?"

"He knows," Jacklyn answers, "We haven't...I haven't decided what I'm going to do about it. Please, don't say anything to Randell."

"I won't," Stacey promises, "How are things with you and Nico?"

"Nico is great," Jacklyn says, answering the question behind Stacey's words, "He wants the baby. I'm just not sure I'm ready for this."

"Tell me about it," Stacey sympathizes, "I'm scared shitless. I keep thinking, what kind of mother am I going to be? What right do I have to bring a baby into this world?"

Jacklyn starts to ask her why she's going through with it despite her doubts, but get hung up trying to phrase the question in a way that doesn't sound completely obnoxious.

Stacey nods, getting the question without it having to be asked, "My mother was one of those perfect moms, you know? Her whole existence revolved around having and raising her kids. And all of her kids are major disappointments to her. She won't even talk to me unless I change my hair to a normal color, she says. So, the way I figure it, there's no such thing as a perfect parent, and there's no amount of preparation that's going to make it any easier. Randell and I always wanted kids someday. We didn't plan on doing it now, but now is when it's happening. So, we're going for it, and we'll do the best that we can. We can't be any worse at it than our own parents."

"Sing to me," Jacklyn says, resting against Nico when they get home. Nico sings her a traditional Italian ballad, one his grandmother used to sing to him, while Jacklyn falls asleep. Nico was still a child when his nonna died; his father had told him she'd become an angel in heaven, and would watch over him from above. That idea used to comfort him when he was young, but as he grew up the thought of his grandmother watching over him all the time was more of a disturbance than comfort. There are things he's done that he'd much rather she not see. He can't believe anymore like he did as a child, that his nonna is an angel, that she can see or hear him now. But, whatever he believes, he's moved now to make a prayer to her, "Help me, Nonna, I don't want to lose my baby," he whispers in Italian.

In Jacklyn's dream, she walks out to the beach behind her house. Nico is there, playing in the sand with a little girl. Their little girl, Jacklyn realizes. Her daughter looks up at her, smiling, proud of something she's built from the sand.

Jacklyn wakes with a start; Nico caresses her shoulder, "Are you all right, cara mia?"

"It was just a dream," she murmurs, "I can't do this without you. You have to promise me, you'll be here, you won't leave me alone with this."

"I'm not going anywhere, Jacklyn, that's a promise," Nico says, "I'm here with you, now and forever."

"I think it's going to be a girl," she says.

"She'll be beautiful, just like her mother."